Tenco wins sanitation contract

By Murray Murchison In a press release today, the Cairns Regional Council announced that it has awarded the lucrative chambers re-sanitation contract to Taiwanese chaebol, Tenco. This has been received as a controversial decision as, historically, the council has exclusively used suppliers from Japan – generally regarded as the industry leader in faecal collection systemsContinue reading “Tenco wins sanitation contract”

Mexican car wrangling technology approved

By Paolo Zupp Cairns Regional Council have put the green light on a trial of Mexican-built retractable speedbumps in the CBD. Implementation of the Colina Furtiva (CF) units make use of number-plate and facial recognition to provide selective deployment. The initiative is partly funded by the Japanese government in an attempt to reduce the numberContinue reading “Mexican car wrangling technology approved”

Intelligent speed bumps to be trialled

By Paolo Zupp Cairns Regional Council have announced a trial of intelligent retractable speed-bumps in the CBD as a means of slowing down traffic and reducing the horrendous accident rate. The Mexican Colina Furtiva (CF) technology (above) allows the speed-bump to lie flat or be raised in up to three configurations, mullida, irritante and presidencial.Continue reading “Intelligent speed bumps to be trialled”

Extra security for Cookie

By Allan Povah Cairns Mayor, Bob Manning, has announced extra security measures to protect the Sheridan Street statue of James Cook following the overnight ‘pinking’ of a similar statue in St Kilda, Australia (above). From today, there will be a blanket ban on sales of paint tinted with pinkish colours including coral, fuscia, flamingo, lemonade,Continue reading “Extra security for Cookie”

CL to headline the CUF?

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Korean superstar, CL (above), formerly of K-pop super-group, 2NE1, and onetime girlfriend of Sir Geoff Huegill is reportedly in negotiations to headline the Cairns Ukelele festival. CL, whose last outing was a Grammy-award winning track on The Little Pony soundtrack, is hugely popular in North Queensland, and securing her services would beContinue reading “CL to headline the CUF?”

Smithfield Cinemas open

By Shirley Higgins-Croft. After what seems like an interminable wait, the new Event Cinemas multiplex has opened at Smithfield shopping centre. Mayor Bob Manning officiated over the opening ceremony with assistance from staffers Flossie Henderson and Matthew Jenkins The event got off to a slightly rocky start. Manning lumbered up the welcoming staircase (above), hadContinue reading “Smithfield Cinemas open”

Manning to tackle Asian girls on bikes

Cairns mayor, Bob Manning, returned today from a month long information-gathering visit to Tokyo and Hokkaido. Whilst there, he entered into bilateral talks with local dignitaries and triads in an effort to explore trade and tourism opportunities between Far North Queensland and Japan. He also served as official taster at the Belgian Beer Festival inContinue reading “Manning to tackle Asian girls on bikes”

Ransomware attack to affect rambutan availability

By Paolo Zupp It has emerged that last week’s global ransomware attack has affected vital North Queensland infrastructure and institutions, including the Cairns Christian Coalition and Rusty’s Market. In addition, it is believed that the payroll database at Cairns Base Hospital may have been compromised, with medical services likely to improve. There are further unconfirmed reportsContinue reading “Ransomware attack to affect rambutan availability”

February 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Superintendent of Passion looking for IC5 Female in mid-twenties for false-arrest roleplay and outings, maybe more. Send picture of drivers licence and phone number to rr@police.gov.nq. Perky nursing Student, 21, looking for flabby diabetic man with high pain threshold, for wine, dance and injection practice. Must have own insulin. 0016625751. Thrice heartbrokenContinue reading “February 2017 Classifieds”

City Council goes the biff

By Murray Murchison There were chaotic scenes at Cairns Council chambers today as Councillors and staffers reacted adversely to  what they view as an increasingly erratic policy agenda being pushed by Mayor Bob Manning. The trouble began in the monthly meeting of the Cultural Services Committee, in which a motion was passed to require allContinue reading “City Council goes the biff”