New measures for dogshit control

By Allan Povah Chief of the Department of Dog Catchers and Cat Herders, Desmond Bowe, has announced sweeping changes to dog licencing regulations in the far north. In the future, all dogs in the region shall be required to be implanted with GPS tracking technology and to submit a stool sample so that a DNAContinue reading “New measures for dogshit control”

One million dollar reward posted for kidnapped dog

By Allan Povah. The Departmental Commissioner for Dog Catching and Cat Herding, Desmond Bowe, announced at a press conference today that the commission is seeking the public’s help with locating a Labrador-cross that has been the victim of a suspected dognap. The dog’s owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, has offered a one million dollar reward forContinue reading “One million dollar reward posted for kidnapped dog”

Dutton turns to Leviticus for social policy direction

By Murray Murchison Australian Minister for Immigration, Peter Dutton, has announced the appointment of his new staff-member, Leviticus, who will be taking on the challenging role of Dutton’s house-dog and speech-checker. Leviticus, is┬áby Moses and out of Delilah and is the result of a unusual political connection The story goes like this: On an unspecifiedContinue reading “Dutton turns to Leviticus for social policy direction”

I had a dream: Bernardi to form new party

SPECIAL REPORT: Emerson Bracewell in Canberra The Plain Dealer’s Canberra insider, Emerson Bracewell, has reported on his recent conversation with Senator Cory Bernardi (pictured) in which Mr Bernardi has indicated his intention to form a new political party.  “I’ve been good mates with Berns since the ‘Conservative Revolution’ days, ” declared Bracewell. “We’d often catchContinue reading “I had a dream: Bernardi to form new party”

Pyne denies excrement accusations

By Murray Murchison After more than two weeks of persistent speculation, federal minister Christopher Pyne has finally responded to allegations that he had disposed of excrement from his labrador, Moses, in a yellow recycling bin. Glenelg North resident, Barry Prince (29), had earlier claimed on social media that he had seen Pyne placing a plastic bag insideContinue reading “Pyne denies excrement accusations”