March 2021 Classifieds

Looking For Love A spry 83 year old gentleman and (recent) widower is looking for 20-something blonde cultured lady for youth rediscovery. No widgies. RSVP @harold_kuiper_38 Looking for experienced lover to induct a perky 24 year-old geriatric nurse into the ways of love. No one under 75 need apply. I can get a pump fromContinue reading “March 2021 Classifieds”

May 2019 Classifieds

Wanted Looking for travel buddy to go to North Korea and Yemen with BLT in October. Must be up for anything, even gaejang-guk and extradition. Prefer busty Swedish type. Full disclosure: I can get a bit handsy on a bellyful of Pyongyang Pilsner. No offence taken tho. @wayne_jones Wanted: Large mockup of Eiffel Tower. WillContinue reading “May 2019 Classifieds”

April 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Shortish man, swarthy but not too much, looking for tall coffee-coloured woman for breeding. Profits 50/50. Please email your pedigree and recent photo (pref nude) to andy_pants@gmail.com. Wanted Anyone has had some kind of stroke or car accident or syphilis or other tragedy …please don’t worry. If you have a BTS ticket,Continue reading “April 2019 Classifieds”

February 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Hopelessly romantic, cuddly soon-to-be professional knife-thrower looking for brave woman with small head and big hair for target practice and chill. Maybe more. @william_tell_in_black_jeans Wanted Needed: Partner in pyramid chicken plucking scheme. It’s a job no one wants which makes it the perfect scalable opportunity. You benefit from other people’s plucking. GoldmineContinue reading “February 2019 Classifieds”

January 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Darling, those beach-almonds has got me thinking. About the first time that we fell. You didn’t inspire the smell too much, you inspired the smell too well. Andrea, please come to your senses and call me. Todd. Wanted I need donations of Riyobi products for collection completion and saving kiddies in Africa.Continue reading “January 2019 Classifieds”

December 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Editor: No love to be found this month. Must be Christmas and raining. Wanted I need a regular lift from TB to the Red Hat on Thursdays for the raffle and nipple. I been catching the SunBus but I’m blackballed due to reasons I’d rather not discuss. If anyone can help, I’llContinue reading “December 2018 Classifieds”

November 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Any Asian woman in Cooktown or Cow Bay areas. Wanna talk about conceptual art and shrieking? I’ll be playing gigs up there this weekend and would be keen to meet up. Or you can hang around and annoy the boys and we can go for cake. Contact me @winston Wanted Experienced hardwareContinue reading “November 2018 Classifieds”

October 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Dear Mexican chef in the purple dress and with the arresting isthmus. I want to taste your Chiapas and nuzzle your Monterrey and your Durango. I will range below you like Guatemala as support as we seek la culminación together. Save me some leftover pib. @isthmus_fever_damo Wanted Wanted: Chalice, the more ornateContinue reading “October 2018 Classifieds”

September 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love I’m heading in the right direction for your loving and affection. Call me, Punchy! Wanted Wanted: some kind of solution to the ant problem in my apartment in Clifton Beach. I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve tried talcum powder and Mr Sheen. Those little fuckers can’t be negotiated with. I’m not violent.Continue reading “September 2018 Classifieds”

August 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Robbie. You know me already , so no need for the making myself known bullshit. You owe me $125 and a Coles giftcard. No, you’re not getting the ping pong table. @seriouslywhat Wanted Wanted: Peach airlines stewardess outfit (size 16 or above) for roleplay of beverage service and mile-high simulations. @flygirl_trudy ChineseContinue reading “August 2018 Classifieds”