September 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love I’m heading in the right direction for your loving and affection. Call me, Punchy! Wanted Wanted: some kind of solution to the ant problem in my apartment in Clifton Beach. I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve tried talcum powder and Mr Sheen. Those little fuckers can’t be negotiated with. I’m not violent.Continue reading “September 2018 Classifieds”

August 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Robbie. You know me already , so no need for the making myself known bullshit. You owe me $125 and a Coles giftcard. No, you’re not getting the ping pong table. @seriouslywhat Wanted Wanted: Peach airlines stewardess outfit (size 16 or above) for roleplay of beverage service and mile-high simulations. @flygirl_trudy ChineseContinue reading “August 2018 Classifieds”

July 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love To my sweet love, make yourself known. You know who you are. I have been waiting so long for you. I’ve taken a bath. @robbie_bloom Wanted Wanted: Effective representation (Saul or similar) for plea bargain. Will swap for silk tie (stripes) in return for a slap over the wrist or ankle bracelet.Continue reading “July 2018 Classifieds”

June 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Tall man, mid-thirties with labrador, looking for petite poodle-owning (pref Asian or Swedish) woman for partnership in life and labradoodle start-up. Must be bitch. @aaron_preneur. Wanted Wanted: Silk tie, pref paisley, for court appearance. @perp_walk_in_style For Sale Original handwritten lyrics to U R The Best Thing. $6.20 or will swap for chips.Continue reading “June 2018 Classifieds”

May 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Proficient railroad tycoon with great hygiene looking for partner in theme park design or civilisation building. Maybe more. Would consider cross-platform interfacing. @gas_sufferer Wanted Wanted: Croc strangling implement like on YouTube. Slip knot must be able to handle 3 metre salty. Will pay for lessons. @crocfiend For Sale Yamaha Guitar for sale.Continue reading “May 2018 Classifieds”

April 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Japanese lady new in town, looking for gentlemen to take me up the range and down the gorge. Smooth back please. Send photo and financials to @Kiko_dcup Wanted Wanted: Taipan catcher wanted for sunflower de-snaking. Prefer single man, tall and fit. No bogans. @shelly_freshwater. Wanted: Experienced cricket player with solid forward defenceContinue reading “April 2018 Classifieds”

March 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Yellow fever sufferer looking for Filipina nurse type for rickshaw outings and GFE. Would consider matrimony. @gotitbad4yellow Wanted All ugbos, ferals, crusties and weird fuckers in the Kuranda area. Wanna be famous like Susan Boyle or Paul Taylor? Contact @uglykuranda for a obligation free assessment. For Sale For Sale: Epson 2530 MultifunctionContinue reading “March 2018 Classifieds”

February 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Rachel Riley lookalike wanted for outings, and sexual intercourse, maybe more. Must be good at mental arithmetic and innuendo. No Lilys. @RR_coundown_Fan Wanted Patsies for Yellow Bamboo scam. Must be athletic and good screamers. Compensation is negotiable depending on ability. @yellowbamboo Miyagi look-alike for YouTube parody. No porn, promise. No yellow bambooContinue reading “February 2018 Classifieds”

January 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Diminutive Cowboys tragic looking for cutish Broncos babe for walks in the moonlight, angry sex and Hunt knock-on recreations. @cowrider Wanted Wanted: Superstar Cafe branded milkshake tin. Must not have been used for potplants or cricket box. Name your price. @anwarsmith For Sale For sale: wooden easel. Nearly new, but slightly paintContinue reading “January 2018 Classifieds”

October 2017 Classifieds

Apology The Management Team at the Plain Dealer would like to apologise for the limited Classifieds this month. This is due to some staff behavior viz a viz access to certain websites and an associated computer virus. No mouse will be left un-clicked in our efforts to rectify this issue. For Sale For sale: TwoContinue reading “October 2017 Classifieds”