Payten cleans house

By Kimberley Schloss. In a feature article in this week’s edition of Paris Match, Cowboys head coach Todd Payten described his initial days in residence at Cowboys House. During this time he offloaded Josh McGuire and Esan Marsters and let loose his high-performance team, who “ripped through the premises with a pallet of Easy-Off BAMContinue reading “Payten cleans house”

Second Truth Day is truly truthy

By Murray Murchison. The Plain Dealer has maintained our uncompromising pursuit of fake truthiness by staging a second Truth Day at the Reef Casino. As was the case for the inaugural installment one year ago, the event was a bald-faced success (under the Chatham House rule). The guests, which included Eric Murray and Nicole Kidman,Continue reading “Second Truth Day is truly truthy”

Digger crowned ‘King of Dogs’

By Allan Povah. The first dog, Digger Digmore Barkington-Smythe has been crowned King Of Dogs by the Cairns Pets association. He has been granted ‘freedom of the CowHouse’ and rewarded with a pallet of schmackos, tastefully baked by Ethan Lowe. King Digger has undergone some snout-lightening and fur coloration since his image last graced theContinue reading “Digger crowned ‘King of Dogs’”

Pigeon shits on desk

By Heather Luck A disgruntled former employee of the Cowboys organisation has let loose with in tell-all interview about the goings on at Cowboys House. Ms Helena Cherry, 44, of Wulguru, was formerly a cleaner at the sprawling establishment, and was entrusted with cleaning the bedrooms and offices of the playing group before and afterContinue reading “Pigeon shits on desk”

Cowboys revise official nickname list

By Destiny Givens In response to the Cowboy’s unexpected and spectacular progress to this years NRL Grand Final, the Cowboys organisation have released a revised official nicknames list. Fans are encouraged to make use of officially sanctioned nicknames in their social media posts. Chef de Mission at 1300 Smiles Stadium, Bob Bliss, explained to theContinue reading “Cowboys revise official nickname list”

An afternoon with Ethan Lowe

Part of the Conversations Series, with Shirley Higgins-Croft Ethan Lowe is the much-loved and often under-rated Cowboys back-rower with a heart of gold and a skin full of tatts. He kindly allowed me to spend a couple of hours with him at Cowboys House and the results were surprising, and quite revealing. SHC: Ethan, thanksContinue reading “An afternoon with Ethan Lowe”

Tate Award goes to the Wolf-knee

By Destiny Givens Reports have emerged from Cowboys House of a lavish gala function that followed the team’s win against the deplorable Warriors on Saturday night. The exclusive soiree, held in the main ballroom of the CowHouse, was to present the annual Tate Award, for the best player afield in the North-Queensland v Auckland match. Sources haveContinue reading “Tate Award goes to the Wolf-knee”

June 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Semi-dedicated jihadist looking for sympathetic but modest woman for pre-virgin practice, short-term opportunity pre-boom. Hijabi preferred or Swedish. @moBoom  To the skate-babe wearing rags who boarded past the Dumpling Studio on Sheridan on Sunday evening. You’re cool and super-hot. Meet me at the TB skate park any arvo. I’ll show you myContinue reading “June 2017 Classifieds”

Tributes flow for the ‘Kewarra Thirteen’

By Shirley Higgins-Croft: Journalist. Wife. Dog-Mother As a dog-lover myself, it is hard to report on the events at Smithfield yesterday, so please forgive any sentimentality. It was a heartbreakingly sombre scene at the YAPS ballroom and conference centre. Some three thousand grieving dogs and their carers attended a memorial service to pay tribute to their thirteen fallen friends.Continue reading “Tributes flow for the ‘Kewarra Thirteen’”

Greeny hoses down egging controversy

By Destiny Givens North Queensland Cowboys coach, Paul Green, (above) has responded to allegations that there is an endemic egging problem with the team, and it is affecting performance. This follows reports that team-members Jake Granville and Kalyn Ponga were questioned by police at the Gold Coast overnight over some alleged ‘googee-chucking’. “There was nothingContinue reading “Greeny hoses down egging controversy”