March 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Sugar. Ah honey honey. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you. Andrea, please come to your senses and call me. Todd. Wanted I have an an increasingly urgent need for Pocahontas and Moana glow-in-the dark ooshies. Please help @rena Got an outhouse for sale? Fancy selling you grannyContinue reading “March 2019 Classifieds”

Karl snarls in terse verse

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The Yorkeys Knob offices of Tropical Talent today released a press statement on behalf of their client, celebrity pantsman Karl Stefanovic. Stefanovic has been in the gossip and sports pages lately, with two high-profile marriage-breakups, a liaison with Princess Meghan and an ill-fated stint as high-performance social coach at the Mackay Cutters.Continue reading “Karl snarls in terse verse”

Results Are Final / Plain Dealer Haiku contest / like yellow snowflakes

By Murray Murchison The Plain Dealer’s Haiku competition has been finalised and a worthy winner has been found. Mr Dick Bigg, of Bondi Beach, submitted a poem that was unanimously voted as the best of the two hundred thousand entries by judge Cooper Cronk. In the competition, sponsored by Mission Foods, BHP and Hillsong Church, entrantsContinue reading “Results Are Final / Plain Dealer Haiku contest / like yellow snowflakes”

Mexican millinery for the munchkins

By Heather Luck The second week of school has begun in Cairns, and the sombrero amnesty period is over, with the head-wear compulsorily required from today for primary school students. Denzel Matterson (above), year-two student at Mother of Good Counsel, loves his new look. “I think I look really cool,” said Denzel. “It is aContinue reading “Mexican millinery for the munchkins”

An Open Letter from the Editor in Chief

By Murray Murchison Dear Plain Dealer Readers I’m writing to you in response to mounting criticism that I and the TBPD have received over the judging of our recent limerick competition. As many of you will know, the prize was awarded to my son, Mitchell, who subsequently traded it to me in return for anContinue reading “An Open Letter from the Editor in Chief”

JT invited to Whitehouse

By Allan Povah Newly crowned FNQOTY, Jonathan Thurston appears to have been invited to join the Trump administration in some undefined role. After last night’s FNQ all star game (above) in which JT dominated, an online storm erupted when POTUS Donald Trump tweeted about the little master. The tweet (below) appeared to be in theContinue reading “JT invited to Whitehouse”