Cowboys release official nickname list

Following yesterday’s crucial loss against the underperforming Dragons, the Cowboys brains-trust held an impromptu Easter media conference to announce a list of official team nicknames. This was to alleviate any confusion on social-media posts about which player was being referred to by otherwise meaningless soubriquets. In a lavish affair held at the Bet365 Auditorium at CowboysContinue reading “Cowboys release official nickname list”

March 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Hirsute Argentinian helicopter pilot in late 40s with drinking problem and misogyny issues seeks a Spanish-speaking supermodel with grassy patch (landing strip pref) and navigable overhanging obstacles. No Brazilians. @argie_chopper_juan Freshwater Woman seeks Ryan Gosling lookalike with a sporting outlook to perform a range of personal duties. No tatts, no four-packs, noContinue reading “March 2017 Classifieds”

Cowboys scratching around for bond money

By Kimberley Schloss A joint press conference was held at 1300SMILES Stadium today to formally open ‘Cowboys House’, a four hundred million dollar residential, gaming and dog-racing development. The Cowboys, NRL, North Queensland Government, and Australian Government have jointly funded the ambitious project. Constructed in the shape of a prostate spheroid, the 122 room complexContinue reading “Cowboys scratching around for bond money”

Cowboys prepare to go back-to-back!

By Destiny Givens With one sleep to go until the season launch, the Cowboys backroom staff have everything under control in preparation for the opening match against the Canberra Raiders. “We’re looking at going back-to-back in twenty-seventeen^”, enthused Chef de Mission at 1300SMILES Stadium, Bob Bliss (above). “The whole team has been working hard forContinue reading “Cowboys prepare to go back-to-back!”

HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Coen Hess

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The glitterati and twitterati were dressed up to the nines last night for the presentation of the Lions Club HipMoi Peace Prize to lumbering workaday prop-forward Coen Hess (above). The lavish evening has heralded the start of the Far North Queensland awards season, which will culminate with the FNQ Academy Awards in threeContinue reading “HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Coen Hess”

The Prince is Nearly Dead, Long Live the Prince

By Murray Murchison Mayor of Mareeba, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore , has attended the abdication ceremony of Prince Leonard of Hutt River Province. Citing failing health and diminished enthusiasm, the venerable monarch is succeeded by his son Prince Graeme. Speaking from the Hutt River Hotel and Post Office, Mr Gilmore was clearly moved by the occasion.Continue reading “The Prince is Nearly Dead, Long Live the Prince”

JT invited to Whitehouse

By Allan Povah Newly crowned FNQOTY, Jonathan Thurston appears to have been invited to join the Trump administration in some undefined role. After last night’s FNQ all star game (above) in which JT dominated, an online storm erupted when POTUS Donald Trump tweeted about the little master. The tweet (below) appeared to be in theContinue reading “JT invited to Whitehouse”

Three cheers for the champions from up here!

By Allan Povah The tropical north enjoyed perfect weather, as usual, for Far North Queensland Day yesterday. Locals got up to their usual tricks; barbecues with friends, sucking on mangoes and pig shooting were popular activities. “It’s great up here in summer at the best of times,” said Maybelle Shaunessy of White Rock. “It’s eitherContinue reading “Three cheers for the champions from up here!”