Karl snarls in terse verse

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The Yorkeys Knob offices of Tropical Talent today released a press statement on behalf of their client, celebrity pantsman Karl Stefanovic. Stefanovic has been in the gossip and sports pages lately, with two high-profile marriage-breakups, a liaison with Princess Meghan and an ill-fated stint as high-performance social coach at the Mackay Cutters.Continue reading “Karl snarls in terse verse”

KarMeg leg into Keg, then gone-ski in Sikorsky

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Australian celebrity gentleman, Karl Stefanovic, has again been seen canoodling with American-British princess, Meghan Markle, this time at the Reuben Hills Cafe in Sydney. According to an unnamed but swarthy barista, the couple indulged in twin Irish venti mocha decaf frappuccinos and declined the offer of complimentary Lotus biscoffs. The barista confirmedContinue reading “KarMeg leg into Keg, then gone-ski in Sikorsky”

Boney Corporation acquires Plain Dealer

Multinational media behemoth, Boney Corporation, has acquired the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer for an undisclosed sum. As a result, the Plain Dealer joins a venerable group of publications in the Boney stable, including the Sydney Morning Herald, L’Equipe and the Innisfail Sentinel. Editor in chief, Murray Murchison was enthusiastic about the development and was clearlyContinue reading “Boney Corporation acquires Plain Dealer”

Sexy Jess wins the FNQOTY gong

By Kimberley Schloss In a lavish ceremony at the Reef Casino in Cairns, international pop sensation and assistant coach at the Mackay Cutters, Jessica Mauboy, has been named as Far North Queenslander of the Year. The former Young Diva has been a perennial finalist in the competition, and is the first non-Cowboy recipient since SharynContinue reading “Sexy Jess wins the FNQOTY gong”

Taylor slides sideways to sport

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Management at Win News has confirmed that veteran newscaster and champion rope-man, Paul Taylor, has been reassigned from his longtime role as anchorman for the network’s main evening bulletin. Taylor is a doyen of the profession, and won a record five consecutive North Queensland Newscasters Awards for “Best Squint” in addition toContinue reading “Taylor slides sideways to sport”

This Time Next Year… Karl’s my baby daddy!

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Hairdresser, Jessecah Stafford, 29, of Holloways Beach (above) has appeared on the popular Nine network program, This Time Next Year but, due to a mysterious decision by the show’s producers, her segment will perhaps never go to air. Ms Stafford reportedly filmed the ‘before’ component of her story at Nine’s studios inContinue reading “This Time Next Year… Karl’s my baby daddy!”

June 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Semi-dedicated jihadist looking for sympathetic but modest woman for pre-virgin practice, short-term opportunity pre-boom. Hijabi preferred or Swedish. @moBoom  To the skate-babe wearing rags who boarded past the Dumpling Studio on Sheridan on Sunday evening. You’re cool and super-hot. Meet me at the TB skate park any arvo. I’ll show you myContinue reading “June 2017 Classifieds”

Fashion Week trends: bespoke, hijabis and cabbies!

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The 2017 North Queensland Fashion Week has launched with a glittering ceremony at Edge Hill Bowls Club, hosted by Karl Stefanovic, and with music by Steven Tin Tin Duffy. The opening night showcase collection,¬†FlamBOIance¬†by Hipster Moi (above) received a warm response from the audience, which contained a who’s-who of North Queensland fashionContinue reading “Fashion Week trends: bespoke, hijabis and cabbies!”

Results Are Final / Plain Dealer Haiku contest / like yellow snowflakes

By Murray Murchison The Plain Dealer’s Haiku competition has been finalised and a worthy winner has been found. Mr Dick Bigg, of Bondi Beach, submitted a poem that was unanimously voted as the best of the two hundred thousand entries by judge Cooper Cronk. In the competition, sponsored by Mission Foods, BHP and Hillsong Church, entrantsContinue reading “Results Are Final / Plain Dealer Haiku contest / like yellow snowflakes”

Karl describes Kochie as “a royal fuckwit”

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Superstar polymath and breakfast TV presenter, Karl Stefanovic, has lashed out against persistent speculation aired by social media influencers about his personal life and career. In particular, Stefanovic has been stung by rumours that he was “shut down” mid-pickup by David Koch at an industry awards evening in Manoora last week. Celebrity-whisperer, Kellee Foster-Jeliffe (below)Continue reading “Karl describes Kochie as “a royal fuckwit””