Cowboys fail to resolve teamwork issues: Tate allegedly shot by players

By Destiny Givens Following a string of five losses, a clinical coaching performance by Paul Green initially halted the Cowboys’ slump with a rousing and mistake-strewn win against the drug-addled Titans. It has been reported that Green had sequestered the entire Cowboys playing group in the CowHouse for some intense work-shopping following the loss toContinue reading “Cowboys fail to resolve teamwork issues: Tate allegedly shot by players”

Dengue scare at Cowboys

By Destiny Givens A dengue fever scare has ripped through Cowboys headquarters, with pundits suggesting that the illness might be to blame for the disappointing loss this week against the druggish Sharks. Matt Scott, who is on long-service leave this season, has recently returned from a visit to Mexico for cosmetic surgery. Since his return.Continue reading “Dengue scare at Cowboys”

Cowboys release official nickname list

Following yesterday’s crucial loss against the underperforming Dragons, the Cowboys brains-trust held an impromptu Easter media conference to announce a list of official team nicknames. This was to alleviate any confusion on social-media posts about which player was being referred to by otherwise meaningless soubriquets. In a lavish affair held at the Bet365 Auditorium at CowboysContinue reading “Cowboys release official nickname list”

Police bungle: Lowe tackled at the CowHouse, caught in possession.

By Heather Luck Star Cowboys forward, Ethan Lowe (above), has made light of his false arrest by Townsville police that led to him being held for six hours in the drug-tank of the Walker St watch-house this morning. Police allege that Lowe was arrested at 2am in the grounds of Cowboys House during a routineContinue reading “Police bungle: Lowe tackled at the CowHouse, caught in possession.”

Cowboys scratching around for bond money

By Kimberley Schloss A joint press conference was held at 1300SMILES Stadium today to formally open ‘Cowboys House’, a four hundred million dollar residential, gaming and dog-racing development. The Cowboys, NRL, North Queensland Government, and Australian Government have jointly funded the ambitious project. Constructed in the shape of a prostate spheroid, the 122 room complexContinue reading “Cowboys scratching around for bond money”

Schilling calls for secession

By Allan Povah Cairns Regional Council Divison 2 representative John ‘Two-Bob’ Schilling has called for Far North Queensland to secede from North Queensland. “It is increasing difficult to reconcile our cultural differences with those jokers in The Ville,” declared Schilling yesterday at a peanut-industry conference in Walkamin. “We’re all about the ‘fair go’ and theContinue reading “Schilling calls for secession”

Three cheers for the champions from up here!

By Allan Povah The tropical north enjoyed perfect weather, as usual, for Far North Queensland Day yesterday. Locals got up to their usual tricks; barbecues with friends, sucking on mangoes and pig shooting were popular activities. “It’s great up here in summer at the best of times,” said Maybelle Shaunessy of White Rock. “It’s eitherContinue reading “Three cheers for the champions from up here!”