Vale Red Robbins, dead at 68

By Murray Murchison. Red Robbins, the larger-than-life personality who, for a quarter century, stood astride the Northern Beaches like the Colossus of Trinity Beach Road has passed away, aged 68. Tributes have flown in from Canberra, London, Townsville and Istanbul, and have been sent surface-mail from Oaxaca, Swakopmund and Rawlpindi. These heartfelt words have beenContinue reading “Vale Red Robbins, dead at 68”

Mexicans do Alligator business

By Murray Murchison. We might think we have a crocodiliac problem in North Queensland, but consider the plight of residents in central Mexico, where more than 10,000 residents have lost their lives to suspected alligator attack in the last two years. Last Tuesday, Tamaulipas resident Vanesa Sánchez heard her dogs barking and went outside toContinue reading “Mexicans do Alligator business”

Sheriff wrangles gator: Robbins not impressed

By Allan Povah Footage has emerged of a Florida sheriff (above) wrangling an alligator after it was found in a residential garage. The three-legged gator, measuring about four feet in length, was captured by the Sarasota lawman using some kind of customised reptile strangling implement. Chief Crocodile Consultant for the Northern Beaches, Red Robbins, wasContinue reading “Sheriff wrangles gator: Robbins not impressed”

Grey Lagoon is a wrap

By Shirley Higgins-Croft After a series of delays and setbacks, the filming of the cinematic blockbuster Grey Lagoon has completed, with the project moving into post-production at the Judy Blue Eyes Movieworld studios in Murray Bridge, South Australia. At a press conference in Palm Cove today, director Alby Mangels (above) was sanguine about the sequenceContinue reading “Grey Lagoon is a wrap”

February 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Rachel Riley lookalike wanted for outings, and sexual intercourse, maybe more. Must be good at mental arithmetic and innuendo. No Lilys. @RR_coundown_Fan Wanted Patsies for Yellow Bamboo scam. Must be athletic and good screamers. Compensation is negotiable depending on ability. @yellowbamboo Miyagi look-alike for YouTube parody. No porn, promise. No yellow bambooContinue reading “February 2018 Classifieds”

December 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Former Justin Bieber tribute artist, jaded by the business and affected by mild alopecia, looking for sight-impaired, tone-deaf Belieber. @Jussjussie To the stunning China Eastern honey babe I rubbed up against at Covergirls on Saturday. Wanna hit some hong kong mattress all night long sweetie. You know who I am. @captaincathay WantedContinue reading “December 2017 Classifieds”

Never smile at a hijabi: Rob the Croc stares down Islamism

By Allan Povah Central Queensland celebrity croc, ‘Rob the Croc’ (pictured above) has taken up a career development opportunity in a water leisure park in Turkey. It is unclear as to what transfer fee was involved in prising the venerable reptile from his tenured position at the Koorana Crocodile Farm in Rockhampton, but it is thoughtContinue reading “Never smile at a hijabi: Rob the Croc stares down Islamism”

Gator cop talks to croc cop

By Paolo Zupp Gus LeCras, a member of the crack Bayou Gator Response Team in Louisiana has today paid a visit to the Northern Beaches Bureau of the North Queensland Crocodile Commission in Holloways Beach. Officer LeCras, who is holidaying in Cairns, decided to drop in to meet some of his counterparts and he quicklyContinue reading “Gator cop talks to croc cop”

Man attacks croc, could get twenty years

By Allan Povah A man, who police say was “operating in a solo snorkelling activity” off Watson Creek Inlet on Lizard Island (above), has been remanded into custody for allegedly attacking a crocodile with his head. According to onlookers, the man “repeatedly head-butted the animal” who appeared “traumatised and upset by the incident” and “inconveniencedContinue reading “Man attacks croc, could get twenty years”

Blue Lagoon remake to be filmed on Trinity Beach

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Trinity Beach residents are excited by the news that a reboot of the 1980 classic film, Blue Lagoon, will be filmed at the southern end of the pretty tropical cove. The news came out during an after-party at Fusion wine-bar on Friday Night. Visionary director of World Safari and World Safari 6,Continue reading “Blue Lagoon remake to be filmed on Trinity Beach”