Gilmore plan: Jihadists to camp at Tinaroo

By Murray Murchison Following crushing defeats in Iraq and Syria, global jihadists are casting their eyes south in search of a new base. ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore, mayor of Mareeba, has announced an ambitious plan to bring the group to the Tablelands which, he says, will occasion an economic boom for the region. “It would beContinue reading “Gilmore plan: Jihadists to camp at Tinaroo”

Aussies put the touch on Hutt, NQ won’t stand for it

By Murray Murchison The Royal Family of Hutt River Province (HRP) have been ordered to pay a total of around three million Australian dollars in back payments to the Australian Tax Office. Mayor of Mareeba, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore has travelled to Parliament House in Townsville to express his disgust at the decision. He was recognisedContinue reading “Aussies put the touch on Hutt, NQ won’t stand for it”

Hijabi wins chocolate sculpting competition

By Heather Luck The fourth annual Mareeba Chocolate Sculpture competition was staged this weekend, attracting visitors from all over the world to the picturesque tableland township The competition winner, ‘Little Sister and Big Bull’ (pictured above in the Centrelink car-park on Byrnes Street) was praised by the judges for its breathtaking scope and attention toContinue reading “Hijabi wins chocolate sculpting competition”

Industry expert opposes import of medical marijuana

By Allan Povah Mr Murray ‘Jane’ Simmonds (above), spokesman for the Mareeba Jay Keef Collective, the peak body for marijuana dealers in FNQ, has spoken out against the government’s plan to legalise the import of medicinal marijuana. “Those southern fuckers are fucking crazy,” he declared. “If some soccer-milf up here needs some lettuce cos theirContinue reading “Industry expert opposes import of medical marijuana”

The Prince is Nearly Dead, Long Live the Prince

By Murray Murchison Mayor of Mareeba, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore , has attended the abdication ceremony of Prince Leonard of Hutt River Province. Citing failing health and diminished enthusiasm, the venerable monarch is succeeded by his son Prince Graeme. Speaking from the Hutt River Hotel and Post Office, Mr Gilmore was clearly moved by the occasion.Continue reading “The Prince is Nearly Dead, Long Live the Prince”

Mexican delegation arrives: crocs for jaguars exchange imminent

By Murray Murchison A Mexican delegation has arrived in Cairns to participate in bi-lateral talks with local dignitaries. The meetings are hoped to sooth some of the tensions between Mexico and Far North Queensland, and remove obstacles to trade and wildlife exchanges. The delegation is headed by the mayor of Durango, Hilario Ramírez Villanueva (above).Continue reading “Mexican delegation arrives: crocs for jaguars exchange imminent”

Mixed feelings on the TPP: Winter is coming for farmers and hackers

By Shirley Higgins-Croft There have been mixed reactions to the announcement this morning that the United States has pulled out of the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP). ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore, mayor of Mareeba, has voiced concerns over the impact this will have on exports from the region. “Obviously, the lychee guys are OK,” he said. “ButContinue reading “Mixed feelings on the TPP: Winter is coming for farmers and hackers”

‘El Chapo’ in big apple, ‘Big’ Tom angry bigly

By Paulo Zupp North Queensland-Mexico relations have reached a new low with the decision to extradite ‘El Chapo’ (Short-arse) Guzmán to the United States. The Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions had sought to have Guzmán stand trial in Mareeba to face charges of drug trafficking and extortion. Mareeba mayor, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore wasContinue reading “‘El Chapo’ in big apple, ‘Big’ Tom angry bigly”