Police investigate Real Estate scam

By Shirley Higgins Croft. Police are investigating a string of property scams that have fleeced North Queensland residents of hundreds of millions of dollars. Senior Sergeant Carolyn Burnham of the Real Estate Division of Cairns Police held a press conference today at Fratelli’s restaurant on Vasey Esplanade. “There have been seven documented cases of propertiesContinue reading “Police investigate Real Estate scam”

Man dies on Earl Hill

By Murray Murchison. A man has been found dead on the northern side of Earl Hill (above), just metres away from the affluent Tari Place precinct of Trinity Beach. Senior Sergeant Benedict Griffin of the Smithfield Branch fronted a press conference at the Bangkok Rose restaurant on Trinity Beach Road this evening and announced thatContinue reading “Man dies on Earl Hill”

Sinkhole causes chaos at Trinity Beach

By Paolo Zupp A sinkhole has opened up overnight on Vasey Esplanade at Trinity Beach. The cause of the three-metre deep crater is unknown, but speculation is rife that no-hoper youths may be involved. The hazard, which is located slightly south of the stinger nets, is causing great inconvenience to strollers and dog-walkers who haveContinue reading “Sinkhole causes chaos at Trinity Beach”

Grey Lagoon commences filming at Trinity Beach

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Trinity Beach locals have been playing spot-the-superstar as a cavalcade of celebrities flood intro the small community for the commencement of filming of Alby Mangels latest cinematic masterpiece, Grey Lagoon. After some delays, production has finally commenced on the multi-million dollar blockbuster, a remake of the 1980s classic, Blue Lagoon, which originallyContinue reading “Grey Lagoon commences filming at Trinity Beach”

L’Unicos apologises for blackboard art

By Paolo Zupp Management at the popular Trinity Beach eatery, L’Unicos, has formally apologised for blackboard art that appeared outside the establishment last week. The six-word artistic statement (above) has offended the vocal and influential feminist organisation, Vasey Remedial Bitches (VRB), who have claimed that the message is an unambiguous slur on the group andContinue reading “L’Unicos apologises for blackboard art”

Trinity Beach is brown

By Murray Murchison From the top of Earl Hill to the tip of Taylor’s point, the trees, leaves and nature-strips of normally verdant Trinity Beach are looking brown indeed. “Yep, she’s pretty fuckin’ brown,” opined local resident, Neville Fitzhardinge of Cayley Court. “Hasn’t been this brown since this time last year. But the wet isContinue reading “Trinity Beach is brown”

One million dollar reward posted for kidnapped dog

By Allan Povah. The Departmental Commissioner for Dog Catching and Cat Herding, Desmond Bowe, announced at a press conference today that the commission is seeking the public’s help with locating a Labrador-cross that has been the victim of a suspected dognap. The dog’s owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, has offered a one million dollar reward forContinue reading “One million dollar reward posted for kidnapped dog”