Gus Gould to be denied entry to North Queensland

By Kimberley Schloss. Cowboys fans have railed against the commentary of Phil ‘Gus’ Gould during the 34-30 win over the grieving Tigers yesterday. As a result of Gould’s bizarre performance it is expected that Prime Minister Val Shier will consider denying a visa for Gould should he wish to take up commentary duties in NorthContinue reading “Gus Gould to be denied entry to North Queensland”

Digger in limbo over Major incident

By Shelly Higgins-Croft First Dog of North Queensland, Digger, is in hiding after his flight has had to be diverted to Busan following an undiplomatic incident in Washington DC. Digger was enroute on a state visit to the United States, and had meetings scheduled with First Dog Major and Senate Majority Leader McConnell’s schnauzer, Turtle.Continue reading “Digger in limbo over Major incident”

Boomtime for North Queensland

The North Queensland government is croc-a-hoop with new figures that show economic growth is faster than Australia and all of the G7 nations. The annualised and seasonally adjusted GDP growth figures to January 2018 for North Queensland are 3.99%, well above Australia (2.3%) and the US (1.9%). “Sales of crocodile skins have been brisk andContinue reading “Boomtime for North Queensland”

The iCroc on an iSpree, Amarok to be relocated

A special investigation by the Plain Dealer has revealed disturbing details about the activities of the controversial artificial crocodile which is under development at William Bligh University. Reporter Paulo Zupp went undercover at the university, posing as a listless, drug-addled journalism student and discovered that the croco-bot has systematically acquired interests in various far northContinue reading “The iCroc on an iSpree, Amarok to be relocated”

Gavin to retire from politics

By Murray Murchison Following his recent unsuccessful candidacy for the seat of Hinchinbrook, the popular North Queensland entrepreneur and philanthropist, Gavin the Parrot Fish (above), has announced his his retirement from politics. Gavin, who represented the Fish and Sheep Party (FSP) is a long time confidant of Prime Minister Val Shier, and had been toutedContinue reading “Gavin to retire from politics”

FSP takes lead in polls, Trout delighted

By Allan Povah With a bare fortnight until North Queensland votes for a new Federal government, a Galaxy poll has indicated that the Fish and Sheep Party have taken a strong lead. The numbers indicate that the FSP are likely to take government and sweep Prime Minister Val Shier from power. FSP member for Cairns,Continue reading “FSP takes lead in polls, Trout delighted”

“I am not Yemeni”: Shier

By Allan Povah Prime Minister, Val Shier, tabled documents in Parliament yesterday proving that her Yemeni citizenship became invalidated well before her election in 2013. The certified documents from the Yemeni Home Office in Sana’a confirm that Ms Shier lived in Yemen between 1972 and 1977 and attended the École française d’Aden, studying French Literature,Continue reading ““I am not Yemeni”: Shier”

Shier: Widodo looks like a goat

By Allan Povah, on assignment in Jakarta Indonesian President Joko Widodo appeared today at a pencak silat martial arts tournament in east Jakarta. In front of a roaring crowd that at times made the president’s accented English difficult to hear, Widodo made some bold proclamations. “Many people have called me acrobatic, but do I haveContinue reading “Shier: Widodo looks like a goat”

Adiós y buena suerte, señor Skip!

By Murray Murchison A BrickHouse spokesman today confirmed the worst kept secret in the country, that Sir Geoff “Skippy” Huegill has been appointed as North Queensland’s ambassador to Mexico, taking over from the Honorable Wendell Sailor. Following some Spanish and mariachi lessons, Sir Skippy will be taking residence at the embassy in Colonia Polanco fromContinue reading “Adiós y buena suerte, señor Skip!”

The Ringo is dead. Long live the Digger.

By Murray Murchison. In a press-conference today, Val Shier announced to a hushed crowd of journalists that First Dog, Ringo, had passed away during the night. Shier had returned from Mexico to resume her duties as Prime Minister mere hours before Ringo succumbed to complications associated with mange. Even amongst that hard-bitten group of veteranContinue reading “The Ringo is dead. Long live the Digger.”