Murchison fails in sphere attempt, possible sombrero toggle outcome

By Paolo Zupp Melissa Murchison, 9, of Parramatta Park, has failed in her attempt to sculpt a perfect alfoil ball. Since her brother, Mitchell, achieved the feat in 2017, Melissa, along with thousands of other children, have been attempting to replicate it. None of them have met with success. Miss Murchison has been accused ofContinue reading “Murchison fails in sphere attempt, possible sombrero toggle outcome”

WBU release influencer’s feud-guide

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The William Bligh University Department of Comportment has released a graphical guide to current relationships amongst social media influencers. This initiative is aimed at keeping students informed on the status of feuds between high-profile twitterati and insta-tubers to assist them in their studies. “This kind of information is essential to all students,Continue reading “WBU release influencer’s feud-guide”

iSnake trial suspended

By Shirley Higgins-Croft. Top End Software has had to cancel release of its much anticipated snake detection program. The iSnake app, which uses infrared and ultraviolet nuclear magnetic resonance technology, was designed to detect and locate the presence of over 500 different snake species. It has been under late stage beta testing by members ofContinue reading “iSnake trial suspended”

Boomtime for North Queensland

The North Queensland government is croc-a-hoop with new figures that show economic growth is faster than Australia and all of the G7 nations. The annualised and seasonally adjusted GDP growth figures to January 2018 for North Queensland are 3.99%, well above Australia (2.3%) and the US (1.9%). “Sales of crocodile skins have been brisk andContinue reading “Boomtime for North Queensland”

Study shows sugar is good for you!

By Allan Povah A new William Bligh University study has shown that the consumption of sugar can have several positive effects, especially in the short term. In an interview with the Plain Dealer, author of the study, Dr Kellyanne Brody from the College of Healthcare Services, explained the scope and implications of the findings. “WeContinue reading “Study shows sugar is good for you!”

The iCroc on an iSpree, Amarok to be relocated

A special investigation by the Plain Dealer has revealed disturbing details about the activities of the controversial artificial crocodile which is under development at William Bligh University. Reporter Paulo Zupp went undercover at the university, posing as a listless, drug-addled journalism student and discovered that the croco-bot has systematically acquired interests in various far northContinue reading “The iCroc on an iSpree, Amarok to be relocated”

Class reunion a blast!

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Graduates of the 2012 class of the WBU Masters in Air Hostess Administration returned to Cairns this weekend for their 5 year reunion. The gala evening, held at the Reef Casino, was hosted by Samantha Armytage, with entertainment provided by Big Pig and Alex Papps. Class president, Yan Zhangli (Air China –Continue reading “Class reunion a blast!”

“Yes” campaigner apologises for fascist comments

By Heather Luck Outspoken gay-rights activist and Secretary of the Far North Queensland Enemies of Fascism (FnqEnFa), Gwen Nicholson-Smith, 31, of Mount Sheridan (above), has apologised for comments in which she described prominent ‘No’ campaigner, Joshua Cooke, as a “nothing more than a Nazi fascista” on her popular ‘Left is Right’ podcast. Mz Nicholson, whoContinue reading ““Yes” campaigner apologises for fascist comments”

Crocodile art to sell at auction

By Allan Povah William Bligh University academics have denied that there is any issue with their security measures after it was revealed that their artificial crocogynous automaton, Christopher, had been selling artwork and purchasing adult services on the internet. The breach was only discovered when an unmarried Filipino lady was caught trying to enter theContinue reading “Crocodile art to sell at auction”

WBU announce education campaign for managing SSAD

By Murray Murchison Academics at the William Bligh University have announced that they have been given federal funding to implement an education campaign on the common and debilitating condition, Social Sequencing Anxiety Disorder, or SSAD. SSAD sufferers are afflicted with the ability to know their rank in a social sequencing situation, such as a queueContinue reading “WBU announce education campaign for managing SSAD”