Cowboys rocked by Scandal

By Destiny Givens

Emotions have been running high at Cowboys House following a limp performance against the deplorable Eels last weekend.

At full-time, Coach Green circled the wagons around the team and refused to allow support staff and media representatives to attend the traditional post-match victory sausage sizzle and dance-rave at the CowHouse.

As the players steeled themselves for the usual post-loss shaming and recrimination session, they could not have known that Coach Green had something else in mind. Instead, the club put on a massive gala evening in the main ballroom at the CowHouse to unveil a statue of club legend, Brent Tate (above). The 24 metre high monument, depicts Tate running down the 1300Smiles sideline as chases a second premiership he is destined never to achieve. Commissioned by WIN Television, the statue was produced by McClarty Constructions from a sculpture by Lucy Liu.

By all accounts, the lavish event, hosted by number-one-ticket-holder Livio Regano, occasioned a huge out-pouring of love and emotion between the Cowboy players and non-playing staff. As it was a closed event, not much is known about what transpired, but it is known that the Cowboys were rocked by Scandal (featuring Patti Smyth) who had re-formed to perform at the event.

“It was a great night,” reported a ruddy cheeked Green the next day. “Everyone has been working hard. The players are knackered. Even the physios have got their hands full trying to prolong JT’s calf injury until after the test-match. Anyway, I had this game pencilled in as a probable loss, so I wanted to insert a little picker-upperer into the schedule. Livio arranged some good weather for us, the band was shooting at the walls of heartbreak, and it looks like we’ve got through the evening without any injuries.”

However, it was not a pleasant night for all in the Rugby League community. As the accommodation facilities at Cowboys House were closed for the event, several medical and media staff had to seek other options. One of these was former NSW great – turned boundary-rider – Brad (Adolf) Fittler, who has been blacklisted by Townsville hoteliers due to previous indiscretions.

Fittler, who pioneered and has since perfected the ‘look-away, cool-for-school, statement-not-question’ on-field interviewing style, instead made his way to the airport to look for a flight south. Unfortunately, as Joey Johns was not in town for the game, the Townsville Airport Authority had disassembled the usual land-side doss facilities.

With no flights available, Fittler was forced to sleep rough at the departures terminal. As a precaution, Townsville police dispatched three officers to monitor the situation. The night passed without incident and Fittler was observed boarding the 7am Jetstar flight to Sydney.

Following the upcoming useless weekend, the Cowboys are up against the rapey Bulldogs in Sydney.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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