By Murray Murchison.
In a blow to non-vegetarians and animal-haters of the Northern Beaches, award winning emporium of the sausage arts, Trinity Beach Quality Meats, has closed its coldroom, sheathed its cleavers and relocated to Smithfield this week.
When approached by the Plain Dealer, Alvin Sarczek, President of the Trinity Beach Chamber of Commerce was inconsolable. “It’s a real kick in the dick for TB. 2020 has been a shit year. First we lose Red Robbins, then COVID and now this. Sausage King has gone. I cannot fucking believe it. The missus is ropable. Things are never ever going to be the same.”
Since the closure, the Sausage King storefront at the Coastwatchers’ Centre has been frequented by dozens of bewildered Barbecuers, fruitlessly tapping the window and peering into the gloom that once housed the source of so much delight. Heartrendingly, there was not a sausage to be found.
The Plain Dealer itself is a proud Trinity Beach institution. We are devastated to see the King leave our midst. Arguably, Trinity Beach will never be the same. However, we wish those denizens of deliciousness the best of butcher’s fortune, even in Smithfield. The Sausage King is dead. Long Live the Kebab King.